I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
