There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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