I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
