The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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