nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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