Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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