im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
