Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
