You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
