My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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