I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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