I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Randomize
