ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
A+ Viking dick
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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