she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
