I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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