i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
