Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Randomize
