At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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