she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
