My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
