So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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