hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
