im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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