Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize