just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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