My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
