I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Randomize
