i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
