Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
