If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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