During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
