If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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