Define "chronic" masturbator.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
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