you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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