i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
