Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Shame is for Republicans.
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