Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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