at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
And then he peed in my hair
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