It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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