Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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