New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
