I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
well most of my day revolves around power hour
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
