I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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