I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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