You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
