a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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