Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
