This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
