I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
this boner is exhausting
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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