it's too hot outside to masturbate.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize