You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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