I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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