i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
