and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
