I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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