you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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