I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
