I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Randomize