We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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