hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
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