omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
