You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
