I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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