How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
