My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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