Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
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