is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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