that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
