it hurts more in the daytime
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
